Grieving for My "Kidney Friends"

Posted by Karen Hessen on Wednesday, April 10, 2013 Under: grief
I have two women friends of long-standing - women I raised my children with. The three of us have four children, no twins, that our forty years old. I call these women, "My Kidney Friends," because I believe we care enough for each to give up one of our kidneys should one of us need it. We have laughed, cried, prayed, cooked, dieted, worked, played, cleaned, and worshiped together. We have rafted a class IV river and pulled enough weeds to earn the fees for the rafting trip. These women were there for me when I went back to college and picked me up when I found myself flat on my face after an unwanted divorce. They stood beside me at the altar when I remarried. I have trusted them with my children, my marriage and my life. We are seperated by several states now, but are still connected is spirit. They are the kind of friends I don't need to see or talk to often to stay connected. They are faithful.

Last week death brought us together again. The elder son of one of my friends passed away. Her younger son passed away about twelve years ago. I do not begin to comprehend her grief, nor do I understand God's ways in all this. I do know my friend  has unwavering faith.

While the other friend and I were discussing whether or not we should fly to Wisconsin for the memorial service, she talked about the estrangement of her older son from the family. She has not seen or talked to him or her grandchildren in over four years. There was a rift over the family business that ended up with court proceedings, a big financial settlement and lots of hard feelings. I have spent enough time with my friend to know she is terribly hurt by these circumstances, There must be a huge hole in her heart. I'm certain she has grieved the loss of fellowship with her son and his family over these last four years. I'm also sure she would readily welcome her prodigal son home.

This friend's younger son was severely injured in an accident when he was young. The traumatic brain injury he suffered left him with a completely different personalty and set of abilities than he had before the accident. She had to grieve the loss of the son she lost and the expectations she had for that child and learn to love the new child that was the result of the accident. Watching the miracles unfold in his life has changed her in ways she could never have imagined.   

Before we adopted Kurtis, we were matched with a different little boy. The social workers brought us his picture, told us his history, prepared us for his arrival. They never brought the child and never gave us any explanation. We waited weeks to hear from them. The first I knew for sure we were not getting him was when I saw him at our daughter's preschool with another family. I went into a deep depression. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. All I had ever held of this child was his picture. Spiritually, I had attached to him - bonded. I had made plans. It wasn't until a wise pastor's wife said, "You've had a miscarriage," that I figured it out. I was grieving for the child I never had, but had lost. It wasn't a physical miscarriage, of course, but an emotional one - real just the same. Kurtis has been such a blessing. I am glad God had a better plan for our family.

I don't in anyway want to minimize the grief my friend is experiencing at the death of her son. But, I have been reminded that grief is so extensive. We can grieve the loss of our hopes and dreams, our marriages and jobs, relationships of all kinds, activities we care about. Recognize grief if it appears in your life. Take the time you need to grieve. Then recognize and embrace the new reality that awaits you. God know the plans he has for  you. 

In : grief 


Tags: friends grieving 
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Grieving for My "Kidney Friends"

Posted by Karen Hessen on Wednesday, April 10, 2013 Under: grief
I have two women friends of long-standing - women I raised my children with. The three of us have four children, no twins, that our forty years old. I call these women, "My Kidney Friends," because I believe we care enough for each to give up one of our kidneys should one of us need it. We have laughed, cried, prayed, cooked, dieted, worked, played, cleaned, and worshiped together. We have rafted a class IV river and pulled enough weeds to earn the fees for the rafting trip. These women were there for me when I went back to college and picked me up when I found myself flat on my face after an unwanted divorce. They stood beside me at the altar when I remarried. I have trusted them with my children, my marriage and my life. We are seperated by several states now, but are still connected is spirit. They are the kind of friends I don't need to see or talk to often to stay connected. They are faithful.

Last week death brought us together again. The elder son of one of my friends passed away. Her younger son passed away about twelve years ago. I do not begin to comprehend her grief, nor do I understand God's ways in all this. I do know my friend  has unwavering faith.

While the other friend and I were discussing whether or not we should fly to Wisconsin for the memorial service, she talked about the estrangement of her older son from the family. She has not seen or talked to him or her grandchildren in over four years. There was a rift over the family business that ended up with court proceedings, a big financial settlement and lots of hard feelings. I have spent enough time with my friend to know she is terribly hurt by these circumstances, There must be a huge hole in her heart. I'm certain she has grieved the loss of fellowship with her son and his family over these last four years. I'm also sure she would readily welcome her prodigal son home.

This friend's younger son was severely injured in an accident when he was young. The traumatic brain injury he suffered left him with a completely different personalty and set of abilities than he had before the accident. She had to grieve the loss of the son she lost and the expectations she had for that child and learn to love the new child that was the result of the accident. Watching the miracles unfold in his life has changed her in ways she could never have imagined.   

Before we adopted Kurtis, we were matched with a different little boy. The social workers brought us his picture, told us his history, prepared us for his arrival. They never brought the child and never gave us any explanation. We waited weeks to hear from them. The first I knew for sure we were not getting him was when I saw him at our daughter's preschool with another family. I went into a deep depression. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. All I had ever held of this child was his picture. Spiritually, I had attached to him - bonded. I had made plans. It wasn't until a wise pastor's wife said, "You've had a miscarriage," that I figured it out. I was grieving for the child I never had, but had lost. It wasn't a physical miscarriage, of course, but an emotional one - real just the same. Kurtis has been such a blessing. I am glad God had a better plan for our family.

I don't in anyway want to minimize the grief my friend is experiencing at the death of her son. But, I have been reminded that grief is so extensive. We can grieve the loss of our hopes and dreams, our marriages and jobs, relationships of all kinds, activities we care about. Recognize grief if it appears in your life. Take the time you need to grieve. Then recognize and embrace the new reality that awaits you. God know the plans he has for  you. 

In : grief 


Tags: friends grieving 
blog comments powered by Disqus

Grieving for My "Kidney Friends"

Posted by Karen Hessen on Wednesday, April 10, 2013 Under: grief
I have two women friends of long-standing - women I raised my children with. The three of us have four children, no twins, that our forty years old. I call these women, "My Kidney Friends," because I believe we care enough for each to give up one of our kidneys should one of us need it. We have laughed, cried, prayed, cooked, dieted, worked, played, cleaned, and worshiped together. We have rafted a class IV river and pulled enough weeds to earn the fees for the rafting trip. These women were there for me when I went back to college and picked me up when I found myself flat on my face after an unwanted divorce. They stood beside me at the altar when I remarried. I have trusted them with my children, my marriage and my life. We are seperated by several states now, but are still connected is spirit. They are the kind of friends I don't need to see or talk to often to stay connected. They are faithful.

Last week death brought us together again. The elder son of one of my friends passed away. Her younger son passed away about twelve years ago. I do not begin to comprehend her grief, nor do I understand God's ways in all this. I do know my friend  has unwavering faith.

While the other friend and I were discussing whether or not we should fly to Wisconsin for the memorial service, she talked about the estrangement of her older son from the family. She has not seen or talked to him or her grandchildren in over four years. There was a rift over the family business that ended up with court proceedings, a big financial settlement and lots of hard feelings. I have spent enough time with my friend to know she is terribly hurt by these circumstances, There must be a huge hole in her heart. I'm certain she has grieved the loss of fellowship with her son and his family over these last four years. I'm also sure she would readily welcome her prodigal son home.

This friend's younger son was severely injured in an accident when he was young. The traumatic brain injury he suffered left him with a completely different personalty and set of abilities than he had before the accident. She had to grieve the loss of the son she lost and the expectations she had for that child and learn to love the new child that was the result of the accident. Watching the miracles unfold in his life has changed her in ways she could never have imagined.   

Before we adopted Kurtis, we were matched with a different little boy. The social workers brought us his picture, told us his history, prepared us for his arrival. They never brought the child and never gave us any explanation. We waited weeks to hear from them. The first I knew for sure we were not getting him was when I saw him at our daughter's preschool with another family. I went into a deep depression. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. All I had ever held of this child was his picture. Spiritually, I had attached to him - bonded. I had made plans. It wasn't until a wise pastor's wife said, "You've had a miscarriage," that I figured it out. I was grieving for the child I never had, but had lost. It wasn't a physical miscarriage, of course, but an emotional one - real just the same. Kurtis has been such a blessing. I am glad God had a better plan for our family.

I don't in anyway want to minimize the grief my friend is experiencing at the death of her son. But, I have been reminded that grief is so extensive. We can grieve the loss of our hopes and dreams, our marriages and jobs, relationships of all kinds, activities we care about. Recognize grief if it appears in your life. Take the time you need to grieve. Then recognize and embrace the new reality that awaits you. God know the plans he has for  you. 

In : grief 


Tags: friends grieving 
blog comments powered by Disqus

Grieving for My "Kidney Friends"

Posted by Karen Hessen on Wednesday, April 10, 2013 Under: grief
I have two women friends of long-standing - women I raised my children with. The three of us have four children, no twins, that our forty years old. I call these women, "My Kidney Friends," because I believe we care enough for each to give up one of our kidneys should one of us need it. We have laughed, cried, prayed, cooked, dieted, worked, played, cleaned, and worshiped together. We have rafted a class IV river and pulled enough weeds to earn the fees for the rafting trip. These women were there for me when I went back to college and picked me up when I found myself flat on my face after an unwanted divorce. They stood beside me at the altar when I remarried. I have trusted them with my children, my marriage and my life. We are seperated by several states now, but are still connected is spirit. They are the kind of friends I don't need to see or talk to often to stay connected. They are faithful.

Last week death brought us together again. The elder son of one of my friends passed away. Her younger son passed away about twelve years ago. I do not begin to comprehend her grief, nor do I understand God's ways in all this. I do know my friend  has unwavering faith.

While the other friend and I were discussing whether or not we should fly to Wisconsin for the memorial service, she talked about the estrangement of her older son from the family. She has not seen or talked to him or her grandchildren in over four years. There was a rift over the family business that ended up with court proceedings, a big financial settlement and lots of hard feelings. I have spent enough time with my friend to know she is terribly hurt by these circumstances, There must be a huge hole in her heart. I'm certain she has grieved the loss of fellowship with her son and his family over these last four years. I'm also sure she would readily welcome her prodigal son home.

This friend's younger son was severely injured in an accident when he was young. The traumatic brain injury he suffered left him with a completely different personalty and set of abilities than he had before the accident. She had to grieve the loss of the son she lost and the expectations she had for that child and learn to love the new child that was the result of the accident. Watching the miracles unfold in his life has changed her in ways she could never have imagined.   

Before we adopted Kurtis, we were matched with a different little boy. The social workers brought us his picture, told us his history, prepared us for his arrival. They never brought the child and never gave us any explanation. We waited weeks to hear from them. The first I knew for sure we were not getting him was when I saw him at our daughter's preschool with another family. I went into a deep depression. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. All I had ever held of this child was his picture. Spiritually, I had attached to him - bonded. I had made plans. It wasn't until a wise pastor's wife said, "You've had a miscarriage," that I figured it out. I was grieving for the child I never had, but had lost. It wasn't a physical miscarriage, of course, but an emotional one - real just the same. Kurtis has been such a blessing. I am glad God had a better plan for our family.

I don't in anyway want to minimize the grief my friend is experiencing at the death of her son. But, I have been reminded that grief is so extensive. We can grieve the loss of our hopes and dreams, our marriages and jobs, relationships of all kinds, activities we care about. Recognize grief if it appears in your life. Take the time you need to grieve. Then recognize and embrace the new reality that awaits you. God know the plans he has for  you. 

In : grief 


Tags: friends grieving 
blog comments powered by Disqus

Grieving for My "Kidney Friends"

Posted by Karen Hessen on Wednesday, April 10, 2013 Under: grief
I have two women friends of long-standing - women I raised my children with. The three of us have four children, no twins, that our forty years old. I call these women, "My Kidney Friends," because I believe we care enough for each to give up one of our kidneys should one of us need it. We have laughed, cried, prayed, cooked, dieted, worked, played, cleaned, and worshiped together. We have rafted a class IV river and pulled enough weeds to earn the fees for the rafting trip. These women were there for me when I went back to college and picked me up when I found myself flat on my face after an unwanted divorce. They stood beside me at the altar when I remarried. I have trusted them with my children, my marriage and my life. We are seperated by several states now, but are still connected is spirit. They are the kind of friends I don't need to see or talk to often to stay connected. They are faithful.

Last week death brought us together again. The elder son of one of my friends passed away. Her younger son passed away about twelve years ago. I do not begin to comprehend her grief, nor do I understand God's ways in all this. I do know my friend  has unwavering faith.

While the other friend and I were discussing whether or not we should fly to Wisconsin for the memorial service, she talked about the estrangement of her older son from the family. She has not seen or talked to him or her grandchildren in over four years. There was a rift over the family business that ended up with court proceedings, a big financial settlement and lots of hard feelings. I have spent enough time with my friend to know she is terribly hurt by these circumstances, There must be a huge hole in her heart. I'm certain she has grieved the loss of fellowship with her son and his family over these last four years. I'm also sure she would readily welcome her prodigal son home.

This friend's younger son was severely injured in an accident when he was young. The traumatic brain injury he suffered left him with a completely different personalty and set of abilities than he had before the accident. She had to grieve the loss of the son she lost and the expectations she had for that child and learn to love the new child that was the result of the accident. Watching the miracles unfold in his life has changed her in ways she could never have imagined.   

Before we adopted Kurtis, we were matched with a different little boy. The social workers brought us his picture, told us his history, prepared us for his arrival. They never brought the child and never gave us any explanation. We waited weeks to hear from them. The first I knew for sure we were not getting him was when I saw him at our daughter's preschool with another family. I went into a deep depression. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. All I had ever held of this child was his picture. Spiritually, I had attached to him - bonded. I had made plans. It wasn't until a wise pastor's wife said, "You've had a miscarriage," that I figured it out. I was grieving for the child I never had, but had lost. It wasn't a physical miscarriage, of course, but an emotional one - real just the same. Kurtis has been such a blessing. I am glad God had a better plan for our family.

I don't in anyway want to minimize the grief my friend is experiencing at the death of her son. But, I have been reminded that grief is so extensive. We can grieve the loss of our hopes and dreams, our marriages and jobs, relationships of all kinds, activities we care about. Recognize grief if it appears in your life. Take the time you need to grieve. Then recognize and embrace the new reality that awaits you. God know the plans he has for  you. 

In : grief 


Tags: friends grieving 
blog comments powered by Disqus
 
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