Mother's Day

Posted by Karen Hessen on Saturday, May 11, 2013 Under: Mother's Day
    I've never been a big fan of Mother's Day. We made a big deal of it when I was a kid. Daddy always made sure my sister and I bought an appropriate gift for Mother. We also always had a corsage for her to wear to church - red or pink flowers before my grandmother died, white after. I guess even as a child I felt some ambivalence about the day. I always tried to please my mother. At a very early age, I decided not to ever hurt her or do anything to disappoint her or make her cry. But Mother's love was conditional. I was never good enough. I never measured up. No matter how hard I tried, I was what I had vowed not to be - a disappointment.

    I adopted my children. They have or had biological mothers. I always knew that my celebration of Mother's Day was at their expense. Someplace two other women were suffering the loss of the children who called me "Mom." It was bittersweet for me. 

    I sat through the very sappy Mother's Day church services year after year, standing up when all the mothers were asked to rise, then immediately sitting down. I never had the youngest or the oldest or the newest child. I never came from the farthest away or had the most children. I did have the child with the most disabilities. The church didn't recognize that category. I was the mom who felt the most overwhelmed - no applause there either. I was the mom who had been beaten up by her daughter the day before and in spite of the bruises on her torso sat uncomfortably in the pew through the entire service - no recognition for that category either. 

    What about the women who are grieving the loss of children, who are unable to have children, who are estranged from their children, who have prodigal children? Mother's Day is not a day of celebration for those women. I quit attending church on Mother's Day several years ago. It is just too difficult for me.

    My mother did the best she could. So did I. My children probably would have been better off with a different mother. But I would not have been better off without them.

In : Mother's Day 


Tags: mother's day"> blog comments powered by Disqus

Mother's Day

Posted by Karen Hessen on Saturday, May 11, 2013 Under: Mother's Day
    I've never been a big fan of Mother's Day. We made a big deal of it when I was a kid. Daddy always made sure my sister and I bought an appropriate gift for Mother. We also always had a corsage for her to wear to church - red or pink flowers before my grandmother died, white after. I guess even as a child I felt some ambivalence about the day. I always tried to please my mother. At a very early age, I decided not to ever hurt her or do anything to disappoint her or make her cry. But Mother's love was conditional. I was never good enough. I never measured up. No matter how hard I tried, I was what I had vowed not to be - a disappointment.

    I adopted my children. They have or had biological mothers. I always knew that my celebration of Mother's Day was at their expense. Someplace two other women were suffering the loss of the children who called me "Mom." It was bittersweet for me. 

    I sat through the very sappy Mother's Day church services year after year, standing up when all the mothers were asked to rise, then immediately sitting down. I never had the youngest or the oldest or the newest child. I never came from the farthest away or had the most children. I did have the child with the most disabilities. The church didn't recognize that category. I was the mom who felt the most overwhelmed - no applause there either. I was the mom who had been beaten up by her daughter the day before and in spite of the bruises on her torso sat uncomfortably in the pew through the entire service - no recognition for that category either. 

    What about the women who are grieving the loss of children, who are unable to have children, who are estranged from their children, who have prodigal children? Mother's Day is not a day of celebration for those women. I quit attending church on Mother's Day several years ago. It is just too difficult for me.

    My mother did the best she could. So did I. My children probably would have been better off with a different mother. But I would not have been better off without them.

In : Mother's Day 


Tags: mother's day"> blog comments powered by Disqus

Mother's Day

Posted by Karen Hessen on Saturday, May 11, 2013 Under: Mother's Day
    I've never been a big fan of Mother's Day. We made a big deal of it when I was a kid. Daddy always made sure my sister and I bought an appropriate gift for Mother. We also always had a corsage for her to wear to church - red or pink flowers before my grandmother died, white after. I guess even as a child I felt some ambivalence about the day. I always tried to please my mother. At a very early age, I decided not to ever hurt her or do anything to disappoint her or make her cry. But Mother's love was conditional. I was never good enough. I never measured up. No matter how hard I tried, I was what I had vowed not to be - a disappointment.

    I adopted my children. They have or had biological mothers. I always knew that my celebration of Mother's Day was at their expense. Someplace two other women were suffering the loss of the children who called me "Mom." It was bittersweet for me. 

    I sat through the very sappy Mother's Day church services year after year, standing up when all the mothers were asked to rise, then immediately sitting down. I never had the youngest or the oldest or the newest child. I never came from the farthest away or had the most children. I did have the child with the most disabilities. The church didn't recognize that category. I was the mom who felt the most overwhelmed - no applause there either. I was the mom who had been beaten up by her daughter the day before and in spite of the bruises on her torso sat uncomfortably in the pew through the entire service - no recognition for that category either. 

    What about the women who are grieving the loss of children, who are unable to have children, who are estranged from their children, who have prodigal children? Mother's Day is not a day of celebration for those women. I quit attending church on Mother's Day several years ago. It is just too difficult for me.

    My mother did the best she could. So did I. My children probably would have been better off with a different mother. But I would not have been better off without them.

In : Mother's Day 


Tags: mother's day"> blog comments powered by Disqus

Mother's Day

Posted by Karen Hessen on Saturday, May 11, 2013 Under: Mother's Day
    I've never been a big fan of Mother's Day. We made a big deal of it when I was a kid. Daddy always made sure my sister and I bought an appropriate gift for Mother. We also always had a corsage for her to wear to church - red or pink flowers before my grandmother died, white after. I guess even as a child I felt some ambivalence about the day. I always tried to please my mother. At a very early age, I decided not to ever hurt her or do anything to disappoint her or make her cry. But Mother's love was conditional. I was never good enough. I never measured up. No matter how hard I tried, I was what I had vowed not to be - a disappointment.

    I adopted my children. They have or had biological mothers. I always knew that my celebration of Mother's Day was at their expense. Someplace two other women were suffering the loss of the children who called me "Mom." It was bittersweet for me. 

    I sat through the very sappy Mother's Day church services year after year, standing up when all the mothers were asked to rise, then immediately sitting down. I never had the youngest or the oldest or the newest child. I never came from the farthest away or had the most children. I did have the child with the most disabilities. The church didn't recognize that category. I was the mom who felt the most overwhelmed - no applause there either. I was the mom who had been beaten up by her daughter the day before and in spite of the bruises on her torso sat uncomfortably in the pew through the entire service - no recognition for that category either. 

    What about the women who are grieving the loss of children, who are unable to have children, who are estranged from their children, who have prodigal children? Mother's Day is not a day of celebration for those women. I quit attending church on Mother's Day several years ago. It is just too difficult for me.

    My mother did the best she could. So did I. My children probably would have been better off with a different mother. But I would not have been better off without them.

In : Mother's Day 


Tags: mother's day"> blog comments powered by Disqus

Mother's Day

Posted by Karen Hessen on Saturday, May 11, 2013 Under: Mother's Day
    I've never been a big fan of Mother's Day. We made a big deal of it when I was a kid. Daddy always made sure my sister and I bought an appropriate gift for Mother. We also always had a corsage for her to wear to church - red or pink flowers before my grandmother died, white after. I guess even as a child I felt some ambivalence about the day. I always tried to please my mother. At a very early age, I decided not to ever hurt her or do anything to disappoint her or make her cry. But Mother's love was conditional. I was never good enough. I never measured up. No matter how hard I tried, I was what I had vowed not to be - a disappointment.

    I adopted my children. They have or had biological mothers. I always knew that my celebration of Mother's Day was at their expense. Someplace two other women were suffering the loss of the children who called me "Mom." It was bittersweet for me. 

    I sat through the very sappy Mother's Day church services year after year, standing up when all the mothers were asked to rise, then immediately sitting down. I never had the youngest or the oldest or the newest child. I never came from the farthest away or had the most children. I did have the child with the most disabilities. The church didn't recognize that category. I was the mom who felt the most overwhelmed - no applause there either. I was the mom who had been beaten up by her daughter the day before and in spite of the bruises on her torso sat uncomfortably in the pew through the entire service - no recognition for that category either. 

    What about the women who are grieving the loss of children, who are unable to have children, who are estranged from their children, who have prodigal children? Mother's Day is not a day of celebration for those women. I quit attending church on Mother's Day several years ago. It is just too difficult for me.

    My mother did the best she could. So did I. My children probably would have been better off with a different mother. But I would not have been better off without them.

In : Mother's Day 


Tags: mother's day"> blog comments powered by Disqus
 
Make a Free Website with Yola.